Letting Go

Letting Go

I've been debating as to whether or not to post a blog regarding how I have been feeling over the past few months or so and have pushed it off and off until now because I cannot go on without expressing how I feel. I broke down this morning and cried for the first time in a while. Uncontrollable sobbing. The first time I have felt like this since my darling Tia passed away in my arms a few years back. I have been having nightmares again, restless nights sleep with negative thoughts in my mind constantly. I beat myself up both physically and mentally, running through all scenarios in my head as to what could possibly go wrong and how I always mess things up however good it is. I have always thought that I could be strong enough to take on whatever the world threw at me. A bad day, a rude customer, a bad breakup, bullying and experiences where I wasn't quite able to make it through to the finishing line. I thought to myself I will never go down the route of medication to help me because in my head that was me admitting defeat and in doing so I was letting the demons inside my head win the ongoing battle for supremacy in my head. When I game, I find a way to exclude myself from the surrounding drama. However, even when gaming stresses me out, I find a way to beat myself up. I punch myself and scream obsenities at myself for not being good enough and for being an idiot. This feeling of not being good enough has arked back to when I was a child. It was no other fault than my own. I always felt as if I was in the shadow of my sister, and I always have done. Whether that be for grades at school or more recently for having a job that was lowly paid and, for all intensive purposes and for the sake of this story, underachieving for the amount of work, money and effort my parents put into my education growing up. As I said, this is no one's fault but my own and I need to stand up for the shortcomings in my life. I have always felt like a failure, even in times of success (my graduation from school and university and even my most recent completion of my pharmacy technician course). This stems from the voices in my head forever telling me that I am not good enough to achieve better things. I have never thought myself good enough to earn more than a certain amount of money because I felt like, as I always do, cock it up down the road. My life has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. From being bullied from what felt like day one in primary school until the end of my time at secondary school. What felt like a daily assault on my person did horrendous things to my mental wellbeing. From the verbal bullying about my appearance to what I said or did not know at the time, to having 3/4s of the year group laughing at a crow being captured and thrown into my room. I have had a lot of trust issues in my life and for want of letting down the walls that I put up with people, I trust people sometimes too much too early. I will be the first to tell you that I would not want to burden people with my issues and in doing so I feel as if I can work through things on my own without anyone's help. I have been to see counsellors at school and university to try and help isolate these negative thoughts and find a way to deal with the issues at hand rather than in my mind. University was almost a breath of fresh air. It gave me an out. A chance to start afresh after all the turmoil I experienced at school. Admittedly, I may have been subject to bullying there not to my knowledge but it was so much less evident. I had a few bad experiences there, with being beaten up on my way back home from a night out where two guys jumped me and punched me for 5 minutes straight resulting in a slight jawline fracture. This led me to always be cautious of my surroundings even moreso than I was before. It made me paranoid of people walking near me. I had to keep it a secret from my parents for that whole year because I know it would have devastated them. Secrets are a funny thing. They can make and break relationships. Why do people keep secrets? To keep the truth from people or to protect them from the reality of the situation? Communiciation is so important in this day and age but with all the technology out there, I feel as if this has gotten lost along the way. People lose their way in order to pacify their followers on their social media accounts. Talking of losing your way along life, just as I was finding my way through life after university, I felt as if I had found my calling to be a primary school teacher. Now for those who are close to me know or for those who have read my blogs about this around the time, this was a big thing for me and with every fibre of my being I wanted to be a great teacher and have a really positive impact on these children I taught. Now, I'm the first one to realise that sometimes I can be extremely stubborn but I will own up to the fact that in certain areas I can always improve. I believe if you think you have it all worked out and that you have nowhere to improve, then you need to re-evaluate where you want to be in life and if you really are making the most of things. I was 8 months deep into my 1 year PGCE when I was told with 6 weeks left of my course that I was not meeting standards and that the school was dismissing me. This came only a couple of days after the form teacher told me I was improving and doing very well. I then had to go through professional discussions where I was dismantled bit by bit. I had to cower to previous employers with my tail between my legs to get as glowing a reccomendations as I could get. I have never felt so ashamed or embarrased in my entire life. Nothing I did worked, no glowing review from previous school's headmasters could save me from being forced out of what I set my sight on making my career in. From financing myself throughout the entire course to ensuring that all of the children in my class felt welcome and at home in my classroom, it was all deemed to be not enough by one person, shortly followed by a room full of people who did not know me. My 2016 was ruined and it took me a good few years to get over it. I would drive past schools and everything would run through my head again. I had nightmares for years and I still do have nightmares on occasion about everything that went on in that year. Once I had gotten over that hurdle of my life, I came across another obstacle, issues with work. I was depressed at work and couldn't find a way to improve my mental wellbeing. I was going to work depressed and leaving to go home depressed. It took such a toll on my life. I couldn't cope with it. So after nearly 3 years, I finally plucked up the courage to move on and work somewhere else. It is amazing what a few people's actions can do on your mental health. I always look at myself as wanting the best for the people that come into my life and for me to help them out as much as I can to improve their lives. However, in times of need, I sometimes feel as if that same desire is not shown towards me. I don't look at helping people in their times of need so as to get a get out of jail free card when I'm down in the dumps, but some kind of reciprocation would not go un-noticed. Now I know I'm not the most talkative of people, or the funniest. I'm most definitely not the richest. But I feel as if what I lack in talking, jokes and money, I make up for in caring for others the way I feel everyone should be cared for, with an open heart and a kind spirit. As I have said at the beginning of this very long winded rant of post, I try to find a way to process things in my own way. More recently, with any negative thing that goes on in my life I find that this is maybe not the healthiest thing to do but I still feel as if it is the right thing to do. Music has been so powerful in my life that I definitely would not be here if it wasn't for that. At school I thought about committing suicide twice. Once I went to the woods and picked up a large rock. I was ready to end it all there and then but I didn't. The other time I just had had enough of everything and wanted the world to swallow me whole. Recently, I have been feeling suicidal again, wanting to walk out into oncoming traffic and let a car just finish it all off for me, this miserable life I have been leading. My life now should be a time for celebration and positivity with the things that were upcoming in the notsodistant future, but I feel more alone than I have ever felt, more depressed than ever before. At work, I try and put on a brave face but in the back of my mind I know that people know I am not myself. I doubt myself at every turn and I hate myself for it. There, I said it. I. HATE. MYSELF. My brain, my body, my mindset, my chain of thought. Everything. I can't go on like this and need to find a way to end this feeling of dread that I wake up with and go to bed with every single day. How I do that, god only knows but I will find a way. This isn't a cry for help, rather a way to vent all my frustations out in one go on a page that probably no one will read. I will end my rant there. I end with a few things, that I hope that each and every one of you find that spark in your life, that thing that makes you excited to wake up every day, that thing that gives purpose to your life whilst you are on this planet of ours. Surround yourselves with people who lift you up. Allow yourself to be happy with yourself. Be open to others and help those less fortunate than yourselves. Give yourself the time of day to reflect on where you are, where you want to be, and be grateful for everything good in your life. See the negatives or the bad times in your life as stepping stones to where you need to be. Celebrate those positive times with those who mean the most to you to those who don't appreciate you for who you are, don't take it to heart. They have their own inner demons they are fighting and they choose to express their individuality in a different way to yourself. I guess what I'm trying to say is make sure to be happy with where you are going in life and if you are unhappy, then change the circumstances that are causing your life to be that way. Peace.

Jonny

The Road - An Analogy Of Life

Driving home from work the other night made me realize that the people we meet in our day to day lives aren't so dis-similar to those on the roads. Bear with me on this one.

You get those drivers who abide by the speed limit and never get a fine in their entire driving lives, these are the same as those people who live life the same way day in day out, not going outside their comfort zone or steer away from the general hypothetical guidebook of life, the one of multiple rules and regulations of what to do or not to do.

Then, you get those drivers who will do everything to be as close on your tail as humanly possible until they overtake you with the smallest space imaginable so as to go 50 down a 30 road, only for you to catch them up two minutes down the road or even overtake them. These are similar to those who enjoy potentially pressurizing people into making others make mistakes or give way to them and their impatience. They are those people who always look for a shortcut in life only to be held back further down the line.

Thirdly, you get those drivers who drive 20 down a 40 road. That, or the equivalent of tractors on a country road. These equate to the people who chug along through life at the slowest possible speed, whether that be on the basis that it is the safest option or be it the fastest they can go with the equipment or knowledge and understanding that they have at that moment in time, potentially also with the belief that they cannot go faster and ultimately have the mindset whereupon any greater understanding is not sought after.

Fourthly, you get those drivers who soup up their cars so much that they can show off in front of their friends and passers by that they have the biggest revvs, have the largest sounding exhaust, or the most decorative paintwork and electrical lighting. Most of the time, these 'revved' up cars are made off the back of just sub-standard cars with silly money poured into making them a car that struggles to get over a single speed bump. These relate to those people who are mostly the loudest with what they say but the quietest when it comes to having any real impactful conversing. They are the kinds of people who throw money at an ever depleting asset hoping it will improve their prospects in the future but ends up causing more problems than they set out with, leading to figurative obstacles put in their path.

Then you have cyclists, the bane of every driver on the roads. You get the swervers, the dark clothes wearers, the cyclists who think it it is acceptable to be on the roads in rows rather than a line in their designated lane. These are those people who go through life frustrating others with their inability to think about what or who is around them on the whole to the extent that it causes unnecessary delays and constraints.

No matter what analogy you see yourself attach to the most, the important thing is that you can always strive to be better in life, to be more willing and open with your time, and understanding your environment so as to make the best from what you have, no matter how much or how little you may be deemed to have. Focus on yourself, but also understand that your actions have consequences - some little, some major. Don't under-estimate the power of doing a small good deed in the context of someone else's life or even your own. Be kind to everyone you meet, society nowadays seems to have a way of breaking good people down. Believe you can make a difference, no matter how small, and the world will ultimately be a better place for it :)

The Somme Remembered (1st July 1916)

Below is a piece of writing that I typed up in commemoration of the centenary of the Battle of the Somme. Having watched the BBC documentary and coverage of the vigils taking place across Europe around this momentous date in history, I took note of the key words that were raised during this coverage and turned it into what you see below. I hope that what is written conveys a message of gratitude and unending respect for those who laid, and currently lay down their lives for their countries. Conflicts and death are difficult things to put into context and I hope that this goes someway to explore the consequences of such events.

Launched into the abyss

Volunteers scramble to fight for their countries

Subsequent devastation ensued

Prepared these young men were not

Trained not for the effects of what they were to see

Conscription to arms called upon

Frontlines were set up and barricaded

Pause for thought the night before

Reflect upon what might be and what has been

Glorious conception of glory

Sunset laid to rest a night of worry

Sacrifice was to be made for future generations

Watch concerned bodies take arms

Exposure to the thought of a quick victory

Anticipation of immediate surrender

Apprehension of the effectiveness of the siege before

Sorrowful of those friends already lost

Brink of the most memorable first day of a conflict to date

Commemorate tenfold the sacrifice made by millions

Unknown graves strewn across the fields of Europe

Unmarked fields become unannounced cemeteries

Magnitude of events unfolding

Horror on a scale never seen before

Impact widespread and for generations to come

Industrial Warfare became something of the present

Symbolizing the modernized construct of war

Perpetuity of those thousands mowed down by gunfire

Witness to the horrors of war on an unprecedented scale

Unique in its nature and in how it eclipsed all conflicts before

Wreaths laid to pay homage to the services given by that lost generation

Recorded by the next generation

Voiced by a torn apart generation

Broken voices spread far and wide

Crying families eternally separated from loved ones

Brutal reality begins to sink in for those back at home

Death was a constant companion

Crucifix corner became a key

Battlefields become commonplace across Europe

Mourning those who fall for the hope of peace

Loathsome consequences of the brutality of war

Ferocity of gunfire and shellfire

Effecting the future for years to come

Easing the pain knowing that comrades stayed together

Grave upon grave of innocent lives lost

Tombstones show lives cut short

Lost generations put to the sword

Morning came and spirits were high

Draped in blood drenched clothes

The fields of Ypres and the Somme became the focus of the war

80% casualties at High Wood became a sombre headline

Significance shown through the minutes of silent remembrance

Slain and laid to rest, young and old died side by side

Becoming symbols of a tested and unrequited love for one’s country

Lifeblood of a generation, honoured by those that followed

Welcomed home as heroes, living or deceased

Roses, bay leaves and poppies laid at their graves feet

Wounded by shrapnel and falling debris

Last Post sounded for all those fallen too soon

Guards stand watch over the graves surrounded by loved one’s flowers

Lawful abiding of silence to mourn

Save the sound of chirping birds to the scene of the setting sun

Lasting five months, the Battle of the Somme broke apart families in their thousands

A million casualties showing the power of will to carry on

Experience varied tenfold of those on the frontline

Vigils held across Europe

Signal a moment of advance in the peaceful coming together of nations

Courage and sacrifice shown in the faces and actions of men fighting for peace

Confront the enemy on their own doorstep so as to build a world at peace

Rise and fall throughout the ages, war disrupts global peace

Lives disappear through the hazy nature of the morning dew rising

Thick and murky smoke stem across the muddy, boggy fields

Spouts and splashes of colour became a thing of the past

Fields of beauty and colour become smudged with the horrors of war

Immense and terrible consequences

Ridges and gentle hills become battlegrounds

Pretty villages turned into scenes of utter devastation

Panting… each breath taken with a heavy heart and thrashing of one’s conscious

Messages sent home to announce to families their well-being and emotions

Peace in sight became somewhat of an insecure thought

Passions and ambitions of men remain at the fore

Separation becomes unbearable, thought of reconnection ignites belief

Peril from venturing into the unknown

Killed in a country not their own

Accounted for as another number on the casualty sheet

Lambs led to slaughter

Conquerors on foreign soil

Present day reflection on what came to pass

To come and see how the past defines the present

Love triumphs once the guns fall silent

Witness to unseen before chaos and terror

Vast scale destruction changing the face of European cities

Heartbreak throughout the ages

Blind optimism stretched far and wide across Kitchener’s Army

Ruling families sending factory boys, farmers, footballers and miners into conflict

Growth neutered for the duration of the war

A generation of young and old obliterated

Overwhelmed by the unpreparedness for machine gun fire

Pressure mounting on Britain to support France in pushing back Germany

Deadlock long lasting, characteristic of modern trench warfare

Existing to become pawns in a much larger diplomatic and military campaign

Continuous forays into enemy territory to determine the outcome of the war

Attrition became commonplace, movement and displacement blocked by mud, wire and trenches

Decisive defence against unrelenting bombardment and unforgiving assault

Defences trying to stand firm against a peppering of bullets and shells

Labyrinths created across the pastures of France and Europe

Compromised situations resulting from tactical mishaps

Pals battalion stood for something more than a generalised code of conduct

150 hours of bombardment led to a feeling of success already

Enduring such destruction and devastation, beauty was hard to come by

Splendid spirits soaked away into the morning abyss of a muddy wasteland

Staggering crescendo of whistles being blown

Successive lines of soldiers rose from the trenches

Steady advance they were told was all that was required

Over the top, they were met with the deafening sound of machine gun fire

Friends mowed down in front and next to one another

Within miles of their destination, thousands lay stranded breathing their last

The ‘Great War’ they call it, but it was nothing but great

Fearful beginning leading to a watchful, yet concerning conclusion

We stand and salute the courage of all men and women who served and still serve

Poets find the right words to put into context the horrors and reality of battles and suffering

Homeland becomes something of a dream for those on the frontline

Tears and blood of those mourning the loss of their friends and family

Reconciliation over a game of football, realising it was a game of ideologies

Prayers were said and yet some remained unanswered

Never endure the suffering again they pledged, though plunged into war 30 years later

Companions became best friends who actively and boldly put their bodies on the line

For a century ago, the bloodiest morning ever unfolded

Across the nation, moving services and moments of silence held to pay tribute

Trials became tribulations which led to a period of mourning, of peaceful respite

Honour the dead for they lay down their lives so that you could be free from tyranny

The service they gave their country seeking nothing in return

Humble servants living to serve their country to save it from destruction

Power was invested in them to guide Europe to a better and brighter future

Testament to their actions and the human will to never give up and never forget

Missing victims, though unnamed with unmarked graves, are remembered at Thiepval

A sense of duty duly remembered

Wonderful epitaphs express the emotions and gratitude from the current generations

Thanking the togetherness and comradeship of everyone included in a conflict never forgotten

Poignant and powerful voices ring out in memory of all those who prematurely fell

Abundant extinguished flames, smoked out for all to remember

A testament to a youth with no fear and a will to protect their country

Memories and stories that will last across the generations

In hope that one day, peace will become a constant.

Jonathan Whitehead

Belief, Religion, Relationships & Technology

I have been thinking about writing a blog like this for a while now. It is probably one of those entries that people will read and think nothing of because it is most likely something all of us go through at one time or another. I am one of those people who like to reflect on the past quite a lot. I look at things that I have done in the past and how it has affected how I have got to where I am now. I think about what I could have done differently in certain situations, how I could have been a better person, or how I could have committed myself to something without holding back or worrying about the consequences if it all went downhill. I think most of the time, the fear of something not going the way I thought it may do in my head becomes so much a reality that I worry that I wouldn't even come close to accomplishing what I set out to achieve. Believing in my own abilities is something that I have always struggled with. I have always been a softly spoken person, and with authority being the name of the game in the teaching profession, it is something I have had to address in one way or another the last few months. I have progressed somewhat to a happy medium where I am confident in my own ability to set personal issues to the side to become wholly focused on the task at hand. Once I have something in my head, it can take ages to get back to 'normality' - and not much is normal in my life at the moment! There is so much focus on producing a sense of being within a community of strangers that we sometimes lose our own sense of self-worth and struggle to find peace in a world ravaged by chaos, negativity and terror. I am one of those people who try and find the positives in everything, but ironically when something happens that sets me back, I can sometimes go into my own little mental prison where all I can see is four walls and no way out. I write these motivational posts on Facebook and Instagram now and then to help others of course, but it is a way for me to share my thought processes for me to look back on at a later time when I need them so that I don't have to burden anyone else with having to hear the meaningless low points of my life. I have chatty moments, I have moments where I wish I kept my mouth shut, and I have moments where I just find my own company or music as the only source of sanity that I can count on.

Over the last few years, I have somewhat become distant from anything religious. I only go to church on special events mostly now and even when I go, I do not join in with any of the responses or hymns. I just... lost my old sense of belief. At the moment, I see religion as one big ball of confusion which creates more problems than it solves. I can see the good in people, I can thank those who have acted kindly towards me, I can appreciate the smaller things in life, all without going to church. My motto in life is that you should always try and see the positives in life, no matter how small. Enjoy the little things and they eventually become the big things you reflect on with fondness later in life. If church was so important to religion in terms of prayer, why do some people pray at home during the week, surely it nullifies the point of either these sessions or the seemingly importance of going to church? Focus should surely be on just being a kind, caring, loving, genuine person who actually cares for people? I have lost people in my life who were very religious in very cruel ways. Dementia, heart attack, cancer. All which happen even with the 'power of prayer' along with 'God' overlooking it all, just allowing it to unfold. Working in a pharmacy has brought this to realization also - with children as young as toddlers and infants having page long prescriptions, and young children struggling on with some of the worst pain and ailments known to us. What did they do to deserve a life like this? Why has 'God', the 'all knowing, all powerful, and benevolent ' allowed this to happen? It just baffles me.

Having been out of relationships for so long after university, relationships became something of a myth that I heard about but could never get into. There are only so many times you hear the friend-zone comment that you begin to worry that nowhere down the line would you find 'the one'. I know that I have had my fair share of shoddy relationships that I have been involved in for longer than I should have been. I have been given false promises people haven't kept. As a result, trust and me have an ongoing conflict. I find it difficult to attach myself to something positive, worrying that I am getting too ahead of myself and that things may come hurtling down as fast as they started getting going. With the growth of social media has come the never-ending 'need' for people to blag their way through showing people the progress of their relationship through constant 'check-ins' and superficial selfies. Has this what relationships have come to - the need to show off to strangers and friends you've not kept in contact with since school?

Technology can be sometimes seen as something of a conundrum - it has both major positives and negatives. Each journey I make up to London, without fail, includes nearly a whole carriage full of people glued to their telephone screens rather than taking the time out of their day to maybe meet new people or take in their surroundings. People are becoming so tech savvy and needy that the need to impress our online 'audience' has almost outweighed the necessity to have person to person conversations with people who actually mean something to you. On the other hand, it can help bring people together through similar interests and beliefs. Does one outweigh the other? Has society grown accustomed to technology which enables us to have a worry free life at our fingertips? We can now track where taxi drivers are, order food from a restaurant just up the road for delivery, set up catfish profiles for individuals as well as writing unkind and abusive words to people we have never met online because of our own insecurities. I know this last point is only relatable to a handful of people but it still amazes and confuses me that some people find it within themselves to stoop so low to do anything like that.

I will end on something positive after all this serious chat. I want everyone to live out their lives to the fullest. I want people to be happy. There will always be some people who can't see the wood for the trees but there are people out there who want the best for you, who will support you through thick and thin. Don't take these people for granted! Enjoy the little things and always try and see the positives in things even if it is upon reflection later in your life. Focus on your own life, but be there for others who need support and friendship. Find those things in life that make you happy and pursue them. Do not settle for ordinary. Be extraordinary. Enjoy life, and smile more :)

Life and Acceptance

We all go through life with some doubt in our lives that brings about some unfounded questions which sometimes prevent us from achieving what we can achieve. Through childhood and adulthood, we go through tough times, through troublesome times, through times we wish time would just stop. It is through these times that we need to get through, either with help from those close to us or people who are there at just the right time. There are times I go into London and see the glum looking people going about their day to day lives, maybe because they hate their 9-5 jobs, or because they have their own issues they are struggling with on a daily basis, or just because they do not see the ability they have within themselves to create a better life for not only themselves but others as well. We are meant to connect with one another, not bring people down because we feel bad within ourselves, but to build others up and make them see the potential of their own lives.

We need to dream big. We need to lead happy lives, be happy, encourage others in paths they may see as difficult or challenging. Some people who do not see this have a fixed mindset. They are too worried about any possible change in their lives that could be the change they so desperately need, all on the basis that they are 'happy' with their current state of mind, their current agenda and way in life. However many people do not see this, we all need motivation, all need encouragement now and then. We all rely on people from time to time. Some people are too scared to ask others for help or guidance because of personal pride. Simple acts of kindness may not change the life of someone, but it may give that person something which they cannot see themselves - hope!

Some people will take it upon themselves to pull others down because they do not see this hope or have a mindset that gives them the opportunity to work on bettering themselves and others. They are forever caught up within the spiral of normal-ness, this body of life that they are 'comfortable' with. No one should ever put labels on what anyone can achieve. Why should someone else, whether it be someone you know, or a keyboard basher you have not met, try to pull you down because of a dream you are looking to chase after? Why should their inability to see their own purpose in life, their own possibility in developing into a positive person, bring others down? It shouldn't. We need to believe in ourselves, see ourselves for who we truly are - people who only have one life. We are on this earth for a finite period of time - a set number of days, months and years. Why doubt ourselves for most of this time when we can progress ourselves to be the best version of us we can possibly be. You can bring all the metaphors or similes into trying to motivate yourself, but the one person who can forever change your mindset in what you can achieve is yourself. There are so many motivational videos and posts that I have seen posted online over the last few years, that it seems almost an impossibility not to be motivated, not to be inspired to create a better life for everyone that is connected to us.

We are human! Not everyday will be perfect. There will be highs and there will be lows. It is about how we react to these lows that define us as human beings. Whether it be not getting that job you were so desperate to get, being bullied at school or at work, or dealing with possible losses within your family - I have one message for you - DO NOT STOP WORKING TOWARDS WHERE YOU WANT TO GO! I have gone through all of the above and am still standing. It may seem impossible to see an end goal when any of these situations happen to you, but there is always time for you to work on your dream, to make other people happy, to ensure other people see what you see in them. Wake up every morning and look yourself in the mirror and say 'I can do this!' and tell yourselves this every time you seemingly hit a brick wall, every time you seem lost and stressed out or upset with the way your life is going. Do not be too proud to ask others for help. Always be open for constructive criticism for your own personal and professional development. Never put yourself in an inescapable hole of self pity or doubt. Do not doubt what you can achieve. Accept everyone for who they are, see the positives in everyone, forgive those who do wrong. We are all on this planet for a reason. Our impact may not be visible to millions but even if your life affects the life of one, solitary person, then surely we can see our life as a success? We all deserve respect, friendship and a grand vision of what we want to become. Believe you can and through hard work, respect, humility, compassion and love, we can all achieve what we want to and be able to make the world a better place.

All Blacked, All Memorable, All England 2015!

24 days of world class rugby. 2,439 points scored. History made in multiple ways. Heroes born out of the bubbling, flaming cauldron of intensity, emotion, grit and determination. Legacies were made. Records broken. Emotions shared. Millions of eyes glued to watch 15 men battling it out with another 15 men for the pride of their countries. Huge hits, incredible offloads, hard fought turnovers, and bloodied and bruised bodies strewn across the country during 48 matches.

It was do or die for countries. England out in the group stages. Japan beating all of the odds to defeat South Africa in their first pool game and become the first team to win 3 pool games and not qualify for the knockout stages of the tournament. Uruguay scoring two tries against Fiji. Scotland edging out Samoa in the epic at St. James' Park before falling shy of a historic win against Australia in the Quarter Finals. Wales similarly defying the odds but falling short of a win against South Africa after a sensational back handed offload to du Preez. Julian Savea's barnstorming run through the French defence Jonah Lomu style. Sonny Bill Williams consoling Jessie Kriel after the All Black's tight 20-18 win over South Africa in the semi final. Francois Louw giving Orlandi a hug after scoring in the last minute of the Bronze Final. The mighty All Blacks winning the Webb Ellis Cup for the two world cups running, with five tries being scored in the game! History was made all around the country, but the core rugby values remained throughout the last 6 weeks or so - those of humility, respect, honour, responsibility, endeavour, determination and teamwork.

In short, the best team ever assembled to play in a rugby world cup won the tournament. Respect was shown from players and commentators alike. This world cup will go down as the greatest rugby tournament to date and quite rightly so. It was phenomenal. Now only just under 4 months until the Six Nations starts up again!

Hopes and Aspirations

Some of us seem to go through life with some pre-determined plan in our lives  - where we would be in 5 / 10 / 20 years time. A 9-5 job suits some of us to the ground, it frees up the weekends, gives people some structure to their mundane, same old lifestyle. Some meander through life with the sole intention of earning as much money as possible so as to fund their materialistic pleasures. Some struggle daily through life but do not complain. Some wish on a far gone dream that they think is impossible because their heavy minds weigh down on what they think they can achieve in their lives. Others believe that if they fall at the first hurdle in their way to making their so-called dream a reality means that they should give up that chase, that journey, that dream. No matter what dreams you have in life, there will always be something trying to stop you - the people who try to bring you down with their negative attitude, their lack of belief in your idea, or for no other reason than because they see you as someone they wanted to be - someone who followed their dreams, followed their heart and mind into something the love. If you want to progress through this life, you will need to overcome certain obstacles such as these, you will need to have some dogged determination in your mindset to say you are good enough to achieve those dreams others thought you had no right to.

Mindset is something that can drag us down or aspire us to become better. It is that key factor between deciding whether you yourself will succeed at what you set out to do. No one in life should be able to affect this mindset. There is always room for improvement, nobody is perfect, and all those heroes of yours and mine? They've had lows before they had the highs. They overcame struggle and adversity to become who they are or were. Things in life that are worth having are normally the things that require hard work, commitment and dedication. If you want something enough, you will find a way to succeed. Do not go through life wishing you were living another's life. Do not go through life regretting what you did not have the courage to do years ago. Live the life you are living to the best of your ability and never look at the ground in sadness, fear, and with lack of confidence. Make each step a stride towards the end goal you want to get to. Ignore the people who withhold encouragement and support and only ridicule you when you fall or stumble. Stay around those who support you and your goals. Life is too short to be put in a straight-jacket - restricting yourself from achieving the possible because someone told you it was a long shot. Believe in your own abilities to see things through and you will go far.

To become that person you want to be, the walls surrounding your comfort zone need to be torn down. This may be hard to do for some people, but once these unnecessary restrictions and constraints have been discarded, you will see that you are the master of your own life, no one else. Some go through life making excuses as to why they cannot do something or why they cannot become something else. This is what staying in said comfort zone for too long does to not only your self belief and confidence, but also your ability to see how much this life you are currently living is restricting other things you could be trying. Go travelling, see the world, become who you want to become. There is nothing to stop you from doing what you want to do other than your own mindset.

So, in short, be yourself and keep motivated through thick and thin. Keep your head held high no matter the lows you may go through and always take the positives out of everything that gets thrown your way. Do not let anyone tell you the goals you set yourself are un-achievable. Believe you can and you will find a way! Whatever you do, do not let someone else's supposed hopes and dreams for you be what you aim and strive for. Be your own person, do not live your life according to other people's expectations of yourself. In the future, you want to look back on your life and be glad you tried new things without having the worry of 'if only'. Make this life a memorable one. Live it to the fullest. Have no regrets and never give up on something you want in life.

A few of my favourite motivational quotes to finish off:

'Most fail, not through lack of education or agreeable personal qualities, but from lack of dogged determination, from lack of dauntless will'

'What we fear doing most, is usually what we most need to do'

'Unless you change how you are, you'll always have what you got'

'Don't wish it was easier, wish you were better!'

'No matter who you are, what you are, where you are, you can think big'

'What we do in life echoes in eternity'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Whitehead