Belief, Religion, Relationships & Technology

I have been thinking about writing a blog like this for a while now. It is probably one of those entries that people will read and think nothing of because it is most likely something all of us go through at one time or another. I am one of those people who like to reflect on the past quite a lot. I look at things that I have done in the past and how it has affected how I have got to where I am now. I think about what I could have done differently in certain situations, how I could have been a better person, or how I could have committed myself to something without holding back or worrying about the consequences if it all went downhill. I think most of the time, the fear of something not going the way I thought it may do in my head becomes so much a reality that I worry that I wouldn't even come close to accomplishing what I set out to achieve. Believing in my own abilities is something that I have always struggled with. I have always been a softly spoken person, and with authority being the name of the game in the teaching profession, it is something I have had to address in one way or another the last few months. I have progressed somewhat to a happy medium where I am confident in my own ability to set personal issues to the side to become wholly focused on the task at hand. Once I have something in my head, it can take ages to get back to 'normality' - and not much is normal in my life at the moment! There is so much focus on producing a sense of being within a community of strangers that we sometimes lose our own sense of self-worth and struggle to find peace in a world ravaged by chaos, negativity and terror. I am one of those people who try and find the positives in everything, but ironically when something happens that sets me back, I can sometimes go into my own little mental prison where all I can see is four walls and no way out. I write these motivational posts on Facebook and Instagram now and then to help others of course, but it is a way for me to share my thought processes for me to look back on at a later time when I need them so that I don't have to burden anyone else with having to hear the meaningless low points of my life. I have chatty moments, I have moments where I wish I kept my mouth shut, and I have moments where I just find my own company or music as the only source of sanity that I can count on.

Over the last few years, I have somewhat become distant from anything religious. I only go to church on special events mostly now and even when I go, I do not join in with any of the responses or hymns. I just... lost my old sense of belief. At the moment, I see religion as one big ball of confusion which creates more problems than it solves. I can see the good in people, I can thank those who have acted kindly towards me, I can appreciate the smaller things in life, all without going to church. My motto in life is that you should always try and see the positives in life, no matter how small. Enjoy the little things and they eventually become the big things you reflect on with fondness later in life. If church was so important to religion in terms of prayer, why do some people pray at home during the week, surely it nullifies the point of either these sessions or the seemingly importance of going to church? Focus should surely be on just being a kind, caring, loving, genuine person who actually cares for people? I have lost people in my life who were very religious in very cruel ways. Dementia, heart attack, cancer. All which happen even with the 'power of prayer' along with 'God' overlooking it all, just allowing it to unfold. Working in a pharmacy has brought this to realization also - with children as young as toddlers and infants having page long prescriptions, and young children struggling on with some of the worst pain and ailments known to us. What did they do to deserve a life like this? Why has 'God', the 'all knowing, all powerful, and benevolent ' allowed this to happen? It just baffles me.

Having been out of relationships for so long after university, relationships became something of a myth that I heard about but could never get into. There are only so many times you hear the friend-zone comment that you begin to worry that nowhere down the line would you find 'the one'. I know that I have had my fair share of shoddy relationships that I have been involved in for longer than I should have been. I have been given false promises people haven't kept. As a result, trust and me have an ongoing conflict. I find it difficult to attach myself to something positive, worrying that I am getting too ahead of myself and that things may come hurtling down as fast as they started getting going. With the growth of social media has come the never-ending 'need' for people to blag their way through showing people the progress of their relationship through constant 'check-ins' and superficial selfies. Has this what relationships have come to - the need to show off to strangers and friends you've not kept in contact with since school?

Technology can be sometimes seen as something of a conundrum - it has both major positives and negatives. Each journey I make up to London, without fail, includes nearly a whole carriage full of people glued to their telephone screens rather than taking the time out of their day to maybe meet new people or take in their surroundings. People are becoming so tech savvy and needy that the need to impress our online 'audience' has almost outweighed the necessity to have person to person conversations with people who actually mean something to you. On the other hand, it can help bring people together through similar interests and beliefs. Does one outweigh the other? Has society grown accustomed to technology which enables us to have a worry free life at our fingertips? We can now track where taxi drivers are, order food from a restaurant just up the road for delivery, set up catfish profiles for individuals as well as writing unkind and abusive words to people we have never met online because of our own insecurities. I know this last point is only relatable to a handful of people but it still amazes and confuses me that some people find it within themselves to stoop so low to do anything like that.

I will end on something positive after all this serious chat. I want everyone to live out their lives to the fullest. I want people to be happy. There will always be some people who can't see the wood for the trees but there are people out there who want the best for you, who will support you through thick and thin. Don't take these people for granted! Enjoy the little things and always try and see the positives in things even if it is upon reflection later in your life. Focus on your own life, but be there for others who need support and friendship. Find those things in life that make you happy and pursue them. Do not settle for ordinary. Be extraordinary. Enjoy life, and smile more :)